Model Essay Practice Grading

Out of the three essays I read, I feel like it is safe to say that essay #3 deserves an “A”. I gave it an “A” because, despite the little grammatical errors, his/her choice of words and sentence structure exceeds the other two by far. The author of this essay does a fantastic job of backing up his/her argument, which has the ability to strongly persuade the reader. Looking at the checklist guidelines, I see that the writer properly implements most of these into the essay. For example, the author’s thesis, “The figure of the dazed starling is the more appropriate and complex figure because it pertains more directly to the delicate, youthful persona of a growing girl and contains far more characteristics applicable to the daughter than the first figure” perfectly states what her argument is. Although it is a long sentence, it properly supports and answers the prompt. Overall, the writer of this essay uses a great deal of evidence, however should site the quotes. And as it goes for focus, breadth and depth, the author clearly goes into the writing. In my opinion, the sentence structures can be cleaned up a bit and with grammar, I already mentioned there are some small mistakes here and there.

Next, I gave essay #2 a “B” because, even though it is written well, can be supported a bit more . No doubt the writer of this essay uses a lot of direct evidence, but the quotes should flow a bit more and the analyses should have some more depth in order to cleanly and sufficiently argue the thesis. When it comes to structure and what should go where, the writer shouldn’t have put any quotes or analyses in the introduction because it can intimidate the reader, but more importantly does not fit in there. The introductions should be a foundation for the essay and not include an analysis, but should have a broad overview of what is to be argued in the essay. When it comes to topic sentences, the writer should make the fourth topic sentence a bit more relatable to the others, because the fourth one stands out a bit and should be tied in better. Grammar wise, like the first essay, there are some errors here and there that do not make a formal and proper impression on the reader.

Finally, I marked a “C” on the first essay because it just did not fit the checklist guideline expectations properly. The first type of error I noticed were the very frequent grammatical errors, word choice (such as the word, “stuff” and “things”), and the placement of words. His/her thesis does not state a good argument at all because of not only the word choice, but the way it is put makes it seem so improper. Also, none of the quotes are cited properly. In addition, the topic sentences do not supper the thesis properly and in one case, is even irrelevant. When it comes to the diction section on the checklist guideline, I cannot see anything written correctly besides the tense. The transitions are not very logical nor does it flow well with the rest of the essay. Finally, in the conclusion, the writer unnecessarily includes the name of the author as well as the story. He/she also uses the word “things” which does not sound very strong if he/she wants to argue a point. Altogether, this essay it is not written properly, and should be tidied up to have more flow between each paragraph.


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